diff --git a/bin/rclaude b/bin/rclaude
index 997516a..013576b 100755
--- a/bin/rclaude
+++ b/bin/rclaude
@@ -675,21 +675,37 @@ cmd_triage() {
         printf "%-8s  %-8s  %-3s  %-15s  %-50s  %s\n" \
             "HOST" "UUID" "PRI" "STATUS" "SUMMARY" "NEXT ACTION"
     fi
-    scan_hosts | while IFS= read -r h; do
-        # Row format from list_triage_on:
-        # host \t triage \t uuid \t priority \t status \t summary \t next_action \t cwd \t mtime
+    # Parallel fan-out: each list_triage_on does an ssh round-trip + remote
+    # Haiku batch inference, so a sequential `while read` loop serializes
+    # minutes of remote LLM work. Run each host concurrently into a per-host
+    # temp file, wait, then emit in stable scan_hosts order. Hosts are simple
+    # identifiers (local/apricot/plum) so unquoted word-splitting is safe.
+    _hosts=$(scan_hosts)
+    _tdir=$(mktemp -d /tmp/rclaude-triage.XXXXXX 2>/dev/null || echo /tmp/rclaude-triage.$$)
+    mkdir -p "$_tdir" 2>/dev/null
+    _n=0
+    for h in $_hosts; do
+        _n=$((_n + 1))
+        # shellcheck disable=SC2086
+        list_triage_on "$h" $_opts > "$_tdir/$_n" &
+    done
+    wait
+    # Concatenate in scan_hosts order. Row format from list_triage_on:
+    # host \t triage \t uuid \t priority \t status \t summary \t next_action \t cwd \t mtime
+    _n=0
+    for h in $_hosts; do
+        _n=$((_n + 1))
         if [ "$_tsv" -eq 1 ]; then
-            # shellcheck disable=SC2086
-            list_triage_on "$h" $_opts
+            cat "$_tdir/$_n"
         else
-            # shellcheck disable=SC2086
-            list_triage_on "$h" $_opts | awk -F'\t' '
+            awk -F'\t' '
                 { uuid8 = substr($3, 1, 8)
                   printf "%-8s  %-8s  %-3s  %-15s  %-50.50s  %s\n",
                          $1, uuid8, $4, $5, $6, $7 }
-            '
+            ' "$_tdir/$_n"
         fi
     done
+    rm -rf "$_tdir"
 }
 
 cmd_list() {
@@ -941,7 +957,28 @@ cmd_resume() {
         # but also enforce a per-host floor below — otherwise a host with many
         # fresh P0/P1 sessions (e.g. local with 2k+ jsonls) takes every seat and
         # remote hosts disappear from the picker entirely.
-        _triage_raw=$(scan_hosts | while IFS= read -r h; do list_triage_on "$h"; done)
+        # Parallel fan-out (see cmd_triage): each list_triage_on is a slow ssh
+        # + remote Haiku call, so run hosts concurrently into per-host temp
+        # files and concatenate in stable scan_hosts order. The whole block
+        # runs inside this `$(...)` subshell, so its `wait` reaps its own
+        # backgrounded children correctly.
+        _triage_raw=$(
+            _t_hosts=$(scan_hosts)
+            _t_dir=$(mktemp -d /tmp/rclaude-triage.XXXXXX 2>/dev/null || echo /tmp/rclaude-triage.$$)
+            mkdir -p "$_t_dir" 2>/dev/null
+            _t_n=0
+            for _t_h in $_t_hosts; do
+                _t_n=$((_t_n + 1))
+                list_triage_on "$_t_h" > "$_t_dir/$_t_n" &
+            done
+            wait
+            _t_n=0
+            for _t_h in $_t_hosts; do
+                _t_n=$((_t_n + 1))
+                cat "$_t_dir/$_t_n"
+            done
+            rm -rf "$_t_dir"
+        )
         _TAB=$(printf '\t')
         _triage=$(printf '%s\n' "$_triage_raw" | grep -v '^$' \
                   | sort -t"$_TAB" -k4,4n -k9,9nr)
@@ -1474,6 +1511,25 @@ case ${1:-} in
     -h|--help|help)   cmd_help; exit ;;
 esac
 
+# Mis-placed-flag guard: any first arg that survived the subcommand case AND
+# starts with `-` is a flag in host position — the default-dispatch below
+# would otherwise treat it as a hostname and emit a confusing "directory not
+# found on <flag>" error. Catch it here with an actionable message. Bare
+# hostnames, `.`, and paths never start with `-`, so they fall through.
+case ${1:-} in
+    --on|--on=*)
+        echo "rclaude: '$1' is not a valid host or subcommand." >&2
+        echo "  --on is only valid as: rclaude resume [pattern] --on <host>" >&2
+        echo "  To start a session on a host, use: rclaude <host> [dir]  (e.g. rclaude apricot)" >&2
+        exit 2 ;;
+    -*)
+        echo "rclaude: '$1' is not a valid host or subcommand." >&2
+        echo "  usage: rclaude [<host>] [<dir>]" >&2
+        echo "         rclaude list|resume|triage|send|kill|setup" >&2
+        echo "         rclaude resume [pattern] --on <host>" >&2
+        exit 2 ;;
+esac
+
 # ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
 # Default behavior: launch (or reattach to) a session.
 # ---------------------------------------------------------------------------